Vintage Bloke - Part I

The Bloke has never made it a secret that he's the greatest cyclist that ever lived. Anyone who you thought was great, he's raced and beat them. (or at least raced them) Well now, for all you skeptics we have proof! You can't really see very clearly in this picture, but all those 'great' racers are somewhere behind him.

I'm not Australian!

The Bloke had what he called the worst insult in his life today. "A guy at breakfast asked if I was Australian!" "You know what those two guys from New Zealand said, Anyone but Australians."

Rabbis, Dreidels, Gelt, and Chimmy Chongas!

Time off at the Bike Shop is hard to come by. Bike Masters can't operate with more than a couple of employees out of the shop. This makes for fierce competition to be the first to get your name on the calendar. One time The Bloke and Zac were looking at the calendar trying to get some time off for the holidays when something caught The Bloke's eye. "The First Day of Chanukah" the calendar read. "What's Chanu-Chonka? Is that a new Chinese holiday? No it must be Chimmy Chonga's brother!"

What the Bloke Wished He Knew Sooner - Part I

One day, Tim and Zac were "being filthy". They were talking about tips and tricks for different situations in bed. Things kept going from bad to worse until Tim shockingly recalled a story from a former Bike Masters staff member. He said that Jason once told him to extend the period of time he spent in the bedroom he would often think of the Bloke!

When asked what he thought about that story The Bloke replied, "I wish I would have known about that before I went on BRAN with him!" referring to the week they spent alone in a tent.

So you want to ride with the bloke?

The Bloke's riding schedule, much like his speech, is extremely erratic. His work schedule is mostly to blame, as it changes week to week. But one thing is sure: He's always off Sundays. And when he's not busy eating you can find him riding from the Keystone Trail Head in Democracy Park around 7 A.M. in conjunction with Zac's Sunday Centuries. Of course you don't have to ride the entire century (to this day the Bloke hasn't) but if you'd like to come out for portion of the ride and learn everything you need to know about life from Geoff (he's "forgotten more than you'll ever know") everyone is welcome!

For a Zac's Sunday Century Ride Calendar check Bike Masters Calendar.
This is also a good place to learn about other Bike Masters Rides!

Employee of the Month

As many of you know Geoff is the greatest employee the world has ever known. In his own words he's "so good, I even amaze myself!" Well this month Geoff was honored with "Employee of the Month" for the third straight month. Come in to Bike Masters to see the official plaque and congratulate him yourself!

The Bloke Interrupts

While attempting to film a virtual tour, Geoff, as usual, becomes the center of attention. If you listen closely, the bloke manages to interrupt himself three times in one breath without even completing a sentence. That's amazing! How does he do it?
Check http://www.bikemastersomaha.com for the actual virtual tour!

Buy The Bloke's Bike!!

The Bloke is an avid bike rider. Every year he sells his old bike and gets a new one. This is your opportunity to own a bike The Bloke actually rode! His bike which, of course, is priceless is available on eBay. The bike itself has a estimated sentimental value of $999.99! We can only assume it will sell very quickly.

Excuse my pig, he's a friend!

One autumn The Bloke was wandering the countryside. He happened upon a pig farmer. He noticed that the farm was empty of pigs. He asked the farmer where all his pigs were. The farmer replied "When it starts getting this cold outside I bring them in the house to stay warm." "Pigs! In the house! What about the smell?" The Bloke asked. "Oh, well they'll soon be used to that." the farmed stated.

Win a Day With The Bloke!!

That's right folks. You can win a day at the bike shop with Geoff Paterson. The rules are simple: If you can correctly translate Geoffrey's hand writing from the image below you can win the grand prize of hanging out with Geoff for a whole day.



Please send entries to: theblokeinomaha@gmail.com

I don't know whats happening, but I'll stay on the line to find out.

Geoffrey has the most unusual phone etiquette. Generally when Geoff is finished repairing a bike he'll call the person and tell them the total. One morning, the bloke, in his usual form misplaced the work order as he called the customer. We can only imagine how the customer felt when they answer the phone only to hear "Marge?! Your total is...hang on a second." than to be placed on hold, to have no idea who called, or why.

"Nice guy..."

"Is that the last Klondike bar? Well I hope you bloody choke on it brother. I don't wish you any harm, just that you choke on it."

Walter!...Ya Know H2O!!

At a restaurant looking for a bit of hydration the bloke asked the barmaid for some "Walter". After several attempts to explain what he wanted he finally yelled "Yeah Walter, You know H 2 O!" He later lamented that he was "batting a thousand with this dummy, she probably doesn't know what H2O is...what do you expect from Billy Frogs."

He told ya so...

As many of you know Geoff is always right. If you asked the bloke he'd explain "I'm never wrong. The only time I was wrong was when I thought I was wrong, but I was actually right." This comes in handy when it comes to predicting the weather. Once during a rainstorm, the bloke mentioned that "it might rain later." He was right again...

More Bad News for Bottom Brackets...

One day the bloke spent all morning pulling a bottom bracket from a bike. When he was finally able to get it off, he exclaimed "It's dry as daylight in there!" Apparently in reference to the lack of grease on the bottom bracket. "What a bunch a clowns."

Where's he been?

The Bloke's blog is back, and under new management! As Geoff would say "If you can't handle it, say so." And let's not even get in to "If not? Why not?" The only thing to say is: He's back. So "leave your 50 cents in the cup" and get ready for some tales of grandeur.

"If it sounds like German it could be South Dakotian"

Guess who's in Chicago?

Laughter brandished the shop once again!

Geoff told

us that he

was going

to Chicago

to meet

some old

friends.

This was strange since it was 5 o'clock in the afternoon and the bloke was scheduled for work at 10 AM! Does Geoff have his own jet aircraft to take him where ever at his leisure? No, way! Apparently Chicago is "English" for OLD CHICAGO, the restaurant. Silly us:)

im geoff!

"I'm

Geoffery,

pleased to

meet you

Hungery!"

The bloke was in rare form as usual. As the repairs mounted he stated "my arms are moving like bees wings", in reference to the fact he could not go any faster. Later, on a delivery the Englishman was "treading on mushrooms" ( to be explained at a later date ) as he walked across a customers lawn on the beautiful spring day. The bloke is preparing for his Tuesday morning road ride 9:ooam leaving from Bike Masters at 129th and Fort by eating pretty much constantly throughout the day, leaving the stains the of food past eaten on his cheek.

Tip from the Bloke in Omaha:Riding in the rain can be death to bicycle bearings. The bloke once washed out a Bottom Bracket during a 30-mile Time Trail. Make sure your bearings are adjusted properly and well greased. Check them after a ride in the rain.